the morning after Part 3

We are back in the consulting room. The consultant is off again with his medical waffle, about blood cells, white cells, etc. the need to stabilize her with a blood transfusion, needing to come back for more test and another transfusion in two days time, and being admitted after the weekend on Monday. Then we get the told what type it is. Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML)

As we walked out of the room and back to the landy, Kim had a scared and confused look on her now pinkish face. The blood transfusion gave her a health look, one that did not show the true horror going on in side her. The horror that would be our life for the foreseeable future.

My mind was floating in the events at the hospital, I was emotional and overcome with the whirlwind that had been the day events. Feeling physically and emotional drained I head back home with my precious load, Kim.

I did not know much about leukemia, I knew it was a cancer of the blood system and bone marrow produced Blood cells, and that was about my lot. So it was time to do some research online*. This blew my mind, did you know there is 4 main type, I did not. Boy was that night a learning curve and a half. The type that Kim has is AML, I found out that is the overproduction of early myeloid cells making immature cells sometime called blast cells, that fill the bone marrow and block up the spaces needed for production of health blood cells. These blast cells spill over and enter the blood stream. As blast cells don't mature, so don't work right giving the appearance of anemia.

The Last bit got me, 'giving the appearance of anemia' the memory of the 5^th came back, when I was talking to her and said “your most probably anemic” How could I get it so wrong, mixing up a lack of iron and leukemia** . How could I HOW, over ten years as a first aider and I got it wrong. A mistake that could be greatest one I have ever done. I sit there trying to keep it together and take it in, tears welling up in my eyes. The sadness of the events of the last couple of days heavy in my heart and soul. I start to cry I was glad shell was asleep, I could let her see me crack as I needed to be the strong one. The informed one, keep money coming in and that was important as traveling and parking for visits was not going to be cheap.

With a heavy heart, I tried to turn in. As I needed strength for the days to come, I don't fall asleep easily and this night was no exception, with all the info I found out and the emotions flying around my pillow held head. Looking up at the ceiling darkened by the night. My mind would not rest, the questions of the day and why her, when though my head over and over again. Until my body forced it to give up and embrace sleep.

*Thank god for macmillan online.

** This question still haunts me today