Time to write about myself and how things have changed for me. And It's hard to do a true full self assessment.
So how have thing changed for me since That dreadful fireworks night.
Well the experience has I have no doubt changed me, my out look on life and death, Has almost driven me to finish volunteering. Has left me with a scar on my heart that known by everyone that has lost a loved one in a traumatic way.
How have I come to peace with my lost of Kim. Like everyone else I have had to find my own path, littered with the problems and stress of everyday life.
This path was make up of support of others and support I had to find myself. Family and friend are a great support.
My Mum and Dad are very caring people and cared dearly for Kim, even when they where feeling the pain of her lost, they found the strength to support us, from talking to the usual support they give us with Steph and her ADHD.
My friends, I only have a couple of true deep friends, that knows some thing is up for over 40 paces . From giving me a chest to cry on. talking deeply though to talking complete comical drivel, that gave light relief. Watching out for my welfare, asking me if I am ok, to telling me I am not right, even if I thought I was, including the line “even you know you've beeping got eat, you stupid idiot”
Then there is the self support on the path, these come in the form of one you look for and ones you come across, or even grow from one into the other.
Jotting the mess floating about my head into notebooks, just happened. When I started writing WHY WHY WHY WHY on some paperwork at work, then I got hold of a notebook, and started writing all sorts of disjointed bits in it.
This disjointed mess of conciousness in a notebook, then over time grew into a idea of a blog, then into a blog, this blog. With supportive comments from friends both on twitter and my everyday life.
There was the accident, but wonderful coming across BBC Radio Shropshire. A really mix of thing from entertainment to community hub and everything in between. I have even been on radio Shropshire talking about Kim. They even introduced me to the world of Twitter.
Twitter, Until half way though writing this posting I did not think of it as part of my support, but it gave me a place to laugh and joke, a place where I found good caring people, that at time given me supportive words and I given supportive words back. And a place where I talked over the starting of a blog.
The Blog, I needed some where for me to sort out what happened, and to express the memories and thoughts. Some say I write powerful posts, I say I write what I need to write, to free it. If they full of strong and powerful feeling, then that what is burning in my soul at the time I am writing it.
Counselling by the wonderful Hope House. A safe Place for me to open up, to show my scared heart and pained soul to someone that was shocked by it. And with understanding and guidance help me with them.
Ok I know the next one should of gone in with Radio Shropshire, but it has a special place for me, that is the Trunk of Funk with Colin Young. Its two hours of me, the rest of the fans and Colin interacting, and enjoying the music on what Col quite rightly calls “ The virtual dance floor”. We all just kick back, banter, joke, and enjoy leaving the stresses of everyday life at the door and just enjoying a damn good party. Its just good to get lost in it, just for a couple of hours.
So am I now completely fine, I don't think I will be. Do I think I am at the end of the journey of getting over it, Just like Shell I am getting there,but there is a few bit still to sort out.
And as shell like to keep reminding me, I still have a beard. I don't know why I still have it, That some thing I still need to work out, and That's the final hurdle.
So Dear Reader, I come to the end of the posting or should that be essay? update on me. All 885 words of it. And also the end of my blogging on here all 36,131 words of it . This is not to say I have stop blogging altogether, I have started a personal blog called The weird mind of Dave.
With that I will bid you a good bye, and a thank you for being part of my life, and my blogging as with out you, this would just be a stream of conciousness lost in the internet.
So until I see you again, Stay Safe and Stay Happy.
Update One
As I said in my last posting I am leaving the blog at April 2010. I thought it was rude to just cut off, with out giving you an update on What happened with who.
Stuart.
Is now 16, Student at a local college doing a grounds maintenance course. Bit of a angry lad, he never did have counselling.
Mandy
Is now 18, After spending a lot of time talking with friends, about what happened decided she had already had come to some sort of peace with the loss of her sister. And has not long had news of a happy surprise, that she is going to be a mum in mid 2012. Her and her boyfriend are happy about it.
Shell
now this is a hard one and I know she read this blog.
The hard part for her was realizing she was in denial over how deeply loosing her first child had affected her. She over came what I believe was separation anxiety disorder from home, that held a strong emotional link to Kim.
Shell still shows some small needs. Like in hospital situations she will not go alone or be left alone for short periods of time with more that a door in the way. Which is understandable, considering what happened in a hospital.
She will say that the last paragraph is untrue, and I will probably get a call or text to that affect, when she reads this.
Shell will never truly get over the loss of Kim. No parent can, all you can hope for is a happy peace with it. And she is making very good progress to getting there.
Stephanie
She was the first to have (the kids version of) counselling, provide by the wonderful hope house. She is with the exception of Mandy the most well adjusted, ADHD aside. She shows love for Kim, enjoys the happy memories of her. Due to her problems does not link certain days to Kim, but does pick up on what we as a family give out on, a anniversary day for Kim.
As for her problem, she is now stable on tablets and in Severndale specialist school. That give her the learning and emotional development support she needs.
She is very close to her nan, my mum. And is very caring, so much so that when my mum had a bad fall at home when I went down to do home care, Steph would come with me to help. She is a bright girl and quickly picked up what I was doing, and under my mum supervision helped her in doing tasks.
Now that just leave me. I think that essay can wait for another day.
Stuart.
Is now 16, Student at a local college doing a grounds maintenance course. Bit of a angry lad, he never did have counselling.
Mandy
Is now 18, After spending a lot of time talking with friends, about what happened decided she had already had come to some sort of peace with the loss of her sister. And has not long had news of a happy surprise, that she is going to be a mum in mid 2012. Her and her boyfriend are happy about it.
Shell
now this is a hard one and I know she read this blog.
The hard part for her was realizing she was in denial over how deeply loosing her first child had affected her. She over came what I believe was separation anxiety disorder from home, that held a strong emotional link to Kim.
Shell still shows some small needs. Like in hospital situations she will not go alone or be left alone for short periods of time with more that a door in the way. Which is understandable, considering what happened in a hospital.
She will say that the last paragraph is untrue, and I will probably get a call or text to that affect, when she reads this.
Shell will never truly get over the loss of Kim. No parent can, all you can hope for is a happy peace with it. And she is making very good progress to getting there.
Stephanie
She was the first to have (the kids version of) counselling, provide by the wonderful hope house. She is with the exception of Mandy the most well adjusted, ADHD aside. She shows love for Kim, enjoys the happy memories of her. Due to her problems does not link certain days to Kim, but does pick up on what we as a family give out on, a anniversary day for Kim.
As for her problem, she is now stable on tablets and in Severndale specialist school. That give her the learning and emotional development support she needs.
She is very close to her nan, my mum. And is very caring, so much so that when my mum had a bad fall at home when I went down to do home care, Steph would come with me to help. She is a bright girl and quickly picked up what I was doing, and under my mum supervision helped her in doing tasks.
Now that just leave me. I think that essay can wait for another day.
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