avoiding me are you.

Its half way though the day and A member of staff is still avoiding me like the plague. I know why they are, They don't know what to say or how I will react. Do they think that when they say “how are you“ I would take my work boot off and say “yes, I can talk to her on this” then hold my boot to my ear and hold the lace out like an antenna.

With that thought, I decided to help him over it, by going over and chatting. But with out talking about Kim, asking how he is or offering how I was. And see how long it would be for he ran or asked about kim / me. A bit cruel of me, but my mind was in dark humour mode.

I had decided to hide his identity.
I started with a favourite of the UK,

Me “ Afternoon, The bloody morning fog makes it fun driving first thing in the morning”
Member of Staff “ Umm, yes. I think it would”
Me “ Yup, total nightmare. Anyway any thing interesting been going on lately”
MoS “ Now much really”

I can see the sweat of worry forming

Me “ that's about right for around here. What about UFO spotted in Bridgnorth, Do you think ET come back to pay his phone bill. ”
MoS laughs “ A intergalactic call, now that going to cost a bit.”

he moves nervously, I have the mental image of him thinking of the boot phone. At this point I decide to take pity on him.

Me “ Oh sorry, I forgot to ask how you are”
MoS “ Im fine ta” He pauses, takes a deep breath “and how are you”
Me “ Me, well I'm ok. It been a bit rough of late. But I am trying to look on the bright side, that Kim in no longer, in pain. Some times it works some times it does not. ”
MoS “That good then”
Me “ Yes, anyway must get going, I should be working.”

To the Member of staff. I'm sorry about that, But it did shatter the ice.

Another thing to get my head around

A letter fell on the mat today when I was home for lunch, One of great importance. Do you remember the letter we missed to open the day after Kim death, this new one was linked to that.

The Letter was from CAMHS, Shropshire's Child and Adolescents Mental Health Service. Saying that due to us not contacting then over the letter dated the 22 February 2009, Stephanie has been taken off the register. This started a hurried forage for the original letter.

I better fill you in on Stephanie. She is a handful, with what her Special Education Need paperwork calls Global Development Delay with a long list of what problems she has, that would fill at least 4 blog postings by themselves.

Shell found the letter, looked at it and handed to me. It started with the usual waffle, about the clinic visits and test etc, It then told us what the results were. I looked at the finding for a moment or two, thinking Why does everything come at once.

The Paragraphs that got me when along the lines of 'She has many problems, only one of which can be dealt with by CAMHS, This being A.D.H.D'

'To continue on to treatment of this condition please contact us for an appointment, If you don't contact us will with take it you wish not to continue using the CAMH Service and immediately removed from care'

Quickly I find the cordless phone and ring the CAMHS office, and start explaining why we have not been in contact. “ The letter arrived the day after her half sister death and unfortunately got mix up in the medley of this event.” The soft gentle tone of the female staff member replies “ I with let the Doctor know, As these are exceptional circumstances I can see little problem with you being put back into our service” I thank her for her understanding and She offered her condolences.

I sit there smoking a roll up for a few. Thinking about it all, trying to get my already mixed up head around this new situation. Before heading back to work

Back to work

Its time to go back to work, my head is not really in it. I am still numb over the last few weeks. Picking up students is the easy part of the job today, they usually don't talk in the mornings. Opting to sit there trying to wake up properly before reaching college.

I go for a smoke before head inside, and I bump into what must be the only person in the college that did not know about Kim. “Awright mate, how was the holiday” without thinking I reply “yes, been ok, best thing is not working on my birthday” I don't know why I said it, I think it was because it was the easy way.

I aim to keep my head down, go and check my mail slot in the staffroom. Before talking to anyone, to strengthen myself. Half way down the corridor a member of staff I get on well with comes the other way smiles “Hello, I heard about Kim, I'm sorry for your loss” I thank her, and chat a bit. Before heading off again towards the staffroom.

Going to the staff room at this time, when PA's and department administrators pick up their mail was a bit of a mistake. Standing in a prime location to bump into a large group of lovely caring compassionate people. It was nice to talk with them, but it was over powering at times.

As I walked out the door I realized, my next two week with be filled with the sayings 'sorry for your lost' , 'condolences on ...' and ' it so sad about your stepdaughter' Unlike the last time this sort of thing happened, when Kim was first in hospital, I was not angry at the over powering flow of caring. I took it as comfort or just switched off.

Mad awards and technical problems

Hello Dear Reader

This is a out of time line Posting for two things,

Firstly as you see I have a nomination for a blogging award. This is only at the begin stage at the moment, and I am waiting to hear if this blog has made it to the second round. I would like to thank you for putting me forward for the following categories

• Most Inspiring MAD Blogger 
• Best Blog Writer 
• Best Family Life Blog
• MAD Blogger of the year 2011   
• Blog Post of the Year 

You may be wondering what the MAD Blog awards are. Well they are Awards celebrate great British families and their blogs. To find out more go to www.the-mads.com


Finger cross that myself and this blog, are good enough to make it to the second round.

Secondly I would like to say Sorry for missing my posting deadline of 0730 UTC+1. This was due to fault with blogs host. and as you see is fixed. So with that Dear reader I will bow out and return you to the timeline on 16 march 2009, Enjoy.

The Funeral - Part 4

The mourning car drives off after it has done it's final duty for us, deliver us to the wake. It is at the woodlands pub, Yes you cant have a wake without alcohol. I know some of you will be thinking about my landy being parked there, but rest assured I wont be drink driving as I don't drink any more.

The room was full of people. Someone joked it would be a handful of people if there was not free food, the cynical person. Taking of food, I found my bother in law has a new trick, been able to keep his plate steady not loosing a single bit of food as he misses a chair and ends up on the floor, yes I know your not meant to laugh but I did.

There was a lot of people coming up and given they condolences, after the first 16 I decided it was time for a smoke so headed outside. My two best mates are in the smoking area, Tom and Craig. We start chatting about the day, about Stuart almost following Kim into the hole and my joke in the car.

Then we are interrupted by a guest asking who the bloke was in the grey Liverpool top is, they were surprised to find out it was Kim Biological Father. This was not the last time I was asked who he was.

I think from the amount of offerings of alcoholic beverages, anyone would of thought I was a drunk. Its amazing how many people have a weird look on their face when you say “that's very nice of you but I don't drink alcohol. A couple of times I did wonder if I had two heads.

The teens too young to get booze from the bar where trying to get some, in numerous ways. All failed as it was the same things we tried when we were their age, I am think they don't believe we were their age once.

The wake was winding down, the usual suspects where slipping what was left on the food table into carry bags they are hiding under the table. With this we head for home, I am physical and emotionally drained.