My mobile sprang into life, sounding my first day back at work. As normal I roll over and snooze it. Not much was said when I was driving around, when I got back to site, comments where a mix of are you feeling better. and oh I heard about your step daughter, how is she.
I know they meant well and it must be hard to chat to some one that had the crap I have had over the last few week but I felt like saying “No i'm in agonizing pain that why i'm flipping working! Idiot !!!” to the are you feeling better and “she is fine, having chemotherapy for leukemia. Losing her hair, looking like shit.!!! Idiot” to hows Kim ones.
I did not, as I did not have the energy to get upset about it, after all they were trying to show they cared.
I got though the day (just) and headed home, I had food and headed off to See Kim.
She had lost even more hair, her bed look like it had been used by a molting dog. Patches of skin appeared though the hair that was still holding on to they home as long as they could.
She was down as another problem has arrived, a rash. Kim comment on it is one that cant be blogged as it too rude, the gist of it was 'this rash is very annoying. I wish it would go away' I will leave you to imagine what she said.
As I head to the landrover my soul is worn a bit more, The pain of seeing her so ill hurts a bit more .
A lone tear runs down my face.
Hair today Gone tomorrow
Spend most of the morning and some of the afternoon running around doing the usual stuff that keeps a family going. It was time to head down to see Kim, on the way out I notice it is the 23 November. That means its 18 days since Dr L gave us the news and 13 days since she started chemotherapy.
Clean hands, on with apron and into see Kim. She looked upset my eye wander down to the beds table where a mound of dirty blond hair laid. I could feel the sadness build as she was loosing her hair. The hair she loved so much, the hair that hid the hearing aids she needed to hear and behave just like a teenager with normal hearing. This need or want to be a normal teen that won her awards. She will have to come to terms with having her disability on show along with the leukemia attacking her body.
Kim was not in the mood for a long conversation, nether was I. So we had a broken uneasy chat, as I installed the Freeview box and hoped it worked, it did. Now she could get her fix of Hollyoaks.
As I walk to the landrover, I feel so low, It is so horrible to see her hair going, to see her drained and sad. It wears on the soul.
A tear runs down my face.
Clean hands, on with apron and into see Kim. She looked upset my eye wander down to the beds table where a mound of dirty blond hair laid. I could feel the sadness build as she was loosing her hair. The hair she loved so much, the hair that hid the hearing aids she needed to hear and behave just like a teenager with normal hearing. This need or want to be a normal teen that won her awards. She will have to come to terms with having her disability on show along with the leukemia attacking her body.
Kim was not in the mood for a long conversation, nether was I. So we had a broken uneasy chat, as I installed the Freeview box and hoped it worked, it did. Now she could get her fix of Hollyoaks.
As I walk to the landrover, I feel so low, It is so horrible to see her hair going, to see her drained and sad. It wears on the soul.
A tear runs down my face.
routine starts
Back to work Monday. Today though is back to hospital, not for my stones but to resupply Kim with clean clothes and new reading material. She was looking drained, sporting a bob hair cut that will help with the shock of hair loss, which lucky had not started to her lovely dirty blond hair.
She complained about the food, the boredom of being stuck in the cell that staff call a Isolation room. The TV only had the basic 5 channels to keep her company.
The life line to the outside world is a landline phone and the Texts on her mobile phone. The only people to ring on the landline was me and shell. Kim hated using Voice on phones due to her hearing impairment.
On the way home I wonder if the TV signal distribution system supported DVB* as I have a cheap Freeview box at home . At least there would be more choice of what to watch for her.
I arrive home drag a big bag of washing out of the landy into the kitchen for shell sort and clean. Shell has cooked tea for me, and we go into the front room. To chat about how kim is until casualty comes on.
*Digital Video Broadcast. Freeview for the less technical minded
She complained about the food, the boredom of being stuck in the cell that staff call a Isolation room. The TV only had the basic 5 channels to keep her company.
The life line to the outside world is a landline phone and the Texts on her mobile phone. The only people to ring on the landline was me and shell. Kim hated using Voice on phones due to her hearing impairment.
On the way home I wonder if the TV signal distribution system supported DVB* as I have a cheap Freeview box at home . At least there would be more choice of what to watch for her.
I arrive home drag a big bag of washing out of the landy into the kitchen for shell sort and clean. Shell has cooked tea for me, and we go into the front room. To chat about how kim is until casualty comes on.
*Digital Video Broadcast. Freeview for the less technical minded
Ghosts
As I lay on the bed my mind floods with thoughts, even when resting my mind is not at rest. One stuck in my head as needing a decision soon, the Ghost from my past. Does it need to be aired, would it be damaging for anyone else to know, what affect would the moral of shell. A lot of confused thoughts about the pros and cons of putting this ghost on show to the world.
The Ghost is well a ghost. Of my very good friends from school. Aged 13 he was not well, pain in his one hip, the visit to get it check out changed his life. He had bone cancer and I seen him go though the treatment, the hair loss. To the last time I saw him alive.
I walk into a hospice some where in Shrewsbury, into a room where a waxy looking version of my lively friend lies on a hospital type bed. I say hello to him there is no movement in his body or closed eye, his mouth moves just a bit.
On the table next to the bed laid a book he was reading, almost finished, less then a chapter left to read. I pick up the book and started reading it to him. When I finished the chapter, I said good bye and left*.
That was the last time I saw him, he died 1 day later on boxing day.
I decided at the moment it was in shell best interest not to bring it up.
* It still bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye to talk or write about it even now.
The Ghost is well a ghost. Of my very good friends from school. Aged 13 he was not well, pain in his one hip, the visit to get it check out changed his life. He had bone cancer and I seen him go though the treatment, the hair loss. To the last time I saw him alive.
I walk into a hospice some where in Shrewsbury, into a room where a waxy looking version of my lively friend lies on a hospital type bed. I say hello to him there is no movement in his body or closed eye, his mouth moves just a bit.
On the table next to the bed laid a book he was reading, almost finished, less then a chapter left to read. I pick up the book and started reading it to him. When I finished the chapter, I said good bye and left*.
That was the last time I saw him, he died 1 day later on boxing day.
I decided at the moment it was in shell best interest not to bring it up.
* It still bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye to talk or write about it even now.
Stones away
Shell told me, that the way I was when an attack of the stones moving happen, scared her so I am really glad she was not here for this next. It would of scared her to beyond breaking point.
The attacks where the stones moving from my kidney to my bladder. The next one would be the exit of the stone. Blokes just think about that, right I will give you a second to wipe your eye and uncross your legs.
I am following the doctor's advice, and drink lots and lots of fluids couple that with the medication for ureter dilation. I was urinating like mad, if it was an Olympic event I would have been holding the gold medal.
Sitting in the front roombeing bored by watching day time TV. Time to visit the loo. Upstairs to the bathroom, I start my business, about 2 or 3 seconds in I get pain in my groin and the urine flow slows down a lot. The pain builds to a point where I am nearly double over the toilet, on my knee groaning, screaming. Tears running down my face and the pain and discomfort travels as the stone make it way from my bladder to the outside world down the urethra of my penis.
It took a second to travel from my bladder to the outside world but it felt like a lifetime. Now happy that my passenger is no longer with me I head for a lie down on the bed, and let the colour return to my face.
The attacks where the stones moving from my kidney to my bladder. The next one would be the exit of the stone. Blokes just think about that, right I will give you a second to wipe your eye and uncross your legs.
I am following the doctor's advice, and drink lots and lots of fluids couple that with the medication for ureter dilation. I was urinating like mad, if it was an Olympic event I would have been holding the gold medal.
Sitting in the front room
It took a second to travel from my bladder to the outside world but it felt like a lifetime. Now happy that my passenger is no longer with me I head for a lie down on the bed, and let the colour return to my face.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)