Everywhere is quiet. I am looking at the darken ceiling lit gently by the streetlight outside throwing a light shadow of the window frame onto it.
As I lay there looking at the ceiling I started to think.
It has been a hard 38 days. My head had and still is all over the place. The shock had passed, leaving the feeling of pain, anger, realization, despair and sadness.
Unlike my cool almost professional outside I was far from cool inside. Lucky the shock only lasted a couple of days, the anger lasted a bit longer, but passed.
I surprised myself over the last month or so with my reactions to the situation I have been in.
The numbness of the dark wet night we got told
The frustration of being stuck in hospital with the stones
The mix of getting home
The over powering experience of all the support at work, and the strange feeling of anger. Dont know why, weird.
To the realization and sadness I feel now.
There is a little up lift
Later today Kim should be coming home for a week break from hospital. I just hope her temperature and white cell count play ball.
Time to try to get to sleep again.
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