I am feeling a bit down to today, its understandable as it is the funeral today. There is no time to sit and mope. There is stuff to do, logistical bits, getting the CD in a place where we wont forget it. Clothes ready to wear. Get food, Something, anything as I don't really feel like it, but going down due to lack of eating is not good.
At the moment I am in Spock mode, Just doing stuff as it is logical and holding back the emotion of the day so I can function. I get to the time in the day where I Take the landrover up to the woodland pub where we are holding the wake, we are having a funeral car so I don't have to support Shell and drive at the same time.
As I walk back home I start to think about the day ahead. I am dreading the funeral, It is horrible to bury your kids. I cant even conceive what it is like for shell to do this, and not being rude, I don't want to try, I am finding it hard to keep myself together, without pushing deeper into my feelings.
I get home and head off upstairs to get changed, I have decided to wear a suit, but I don't have a red shirt so a salmon coloured shirt will have to do. I head down stairs as it nearly time for the transport to arrive.
Shell stands next to me at the door, I can see her eye are moist. Stuart shout “here She come” Shell gets hold of my hand, in silence. The hearse comes into view, as the black paintwork reflects in the light, and the glass side showing the coffin of Kim, Shell tightens her grip.
The front door closes with a dull thud and clunk of the lock, I look at shell and see the despair and sadness in her eyes.
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