routine starts

Back to work Monday. Today though is back to hospital, not for my stones but to resupply Kim with clean clothes and new reading material. She was looking drained, sporting a bob hair cut that will help with the shock of hair loss, which lucky had not started to her lovely dirty blond hair.

She complained about the food, the boredom of being stuck in the cell that staff call a Isolation room. The TV only had the basic 5 channels to keep her company.

The life line to the outside world is a landline phone and the Texts on her mobile phone. The only people to ring on the landline was me and shell. Kim hated using Voice on phones due to her hearing impairment.

On the way home I wonder if the TV signal distribution system supported DVB* as I have a cheap Freeview box at home . At least there would be more choice of what to watch for her.

I arrive home drag a big bag of washing out of the landy into the kitchen for shell sort and clean. Shell has cooked tea for me, and we go into the front room. To chat about how kim is until casualty comes on.



*Digital Video Broadcast. Freeview for the less technical minded

Ghosts

As I lay on the bed my mind floods with thoughts, even when resting my mind is not at rest. One stuck in my head as needing a decision soon, the Ghost from my past. Does it need to be aired, would it be damaging for anyone else to know, what affect would the moral of shell. A lot of confused thoughts about the pros and cons of putting this ghost on show to the world.

The Ghost is well a ghost. Of my very good friends from school. Aged 13 he was not well, pain in his one hip, the visit to get it check out changed his life. He had bone cancer and I seen him go though the treatment, the hair loss. To the last time I saw him alive.

I walk into a hospice some where in Shrewsbury, into a room where a waxy looking version of my lively friend lies on a hospital type bed. I say hello to him there is no movement in his body or closed eye, his mouth moves just a bit.

On the table next to the bed laid a book he was reading, almost finished, less then a chapter left to read. I pick up the book and started reading it to him. When I finished the chapter, I said good bye and left*.

That was the last time I saw him, he died 1 day later on boxing day.

I decided at the moment it was in shell best interest not to bring it up.


* It still bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye to talk or write about it even now. 

Stones away

Shell told me, that the way I was when an attack of the stones moving happen, scared her so I am really glad she was not here for this next. It would of scared her to beyond breaking point.

The attacks where the stones moving from my kidney to my bladder. The next one would be the exit of the stone. Blokes just think about that, right I will give you a second to wipe your eye and uncross your legs.

I am following the doctor's advice, and drink lots and lots of fluids couple that with the medication for ureter dilation. I was urinating like mad, if it was an Olympic event I would have been holding the gold medal.

Sitting in the front room being bored by watching day time TV. Time to visit the loo. Upstairs to the bathroom, I start my business, about 2 or 3 seconds in I get pain in my groin and the urine flow slows down a lot. The pain builds to a point where I am nearly double over the toilet, on my knee groaning, screaming. Tears running down my face and the pain and discomfort travels as the stone make it way from my bladder to the outside world down the urethra of my penis.

It took a second to travel from my bladder to the outside world but it felt like a lifetime. Now happy that my passenger is no longer with me I head for a lie down on the bed, and let the colour return to my face.

First day

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Holding by back at stupid O'clock in the morning with a kidney stone moving is not good.

The sweat is pouring off me, I reach for the Ibuprofen and down two. As they kick in I dose back off.

In a sleepy haze, I see it day time. I go to the loo, and head back to bed. Its about ten in the morning, I am so tired. I curl up and it the pain hits me again, I drag to pillow into my chest biting the top of one of them as I growl, Fuck, bastard, fucking stones.

I am doing this there is a worried figure on the landing, Shell. It must be hard for her to have me making sound akin to labour. And having kim in hospital. Just one of these events is enough to deal with without having both going on at the same time.

The pain passes, I head down stairs. Shell is on the phone to kim. I say hi to her and look for some breakfast. After Shell finished on the phone she ushers me into the front room to rest. I don't want to sit down I got kidney stones, a small minor inconvenience. Its not like I have smashed my legs into 500 bits or dieing from a serious illness.

Shell appears with a coffee and toast, I do wonder what it is like for her to have two loved one ill, I know I got it hard with the fucking inconsiderate stone that pick that bloody day to make it present know.

The great escape

I make good my escape, with the aid of the bus stop on site. my defender is on the other side of Shrewsbury, along with its keys, I call Mat whist awaiting for bus to arrive, for 2 reasons, 1 see if he is in, 2 find out what bus go out to his house.

I arrive at his, First words to me were “ you look better than the last time I saw you bud” After a coffee and a call to Shell, I headed for home. I need not worry about Kim as my parents decided to go to the hospital anyway and visit her.

The drive back was one of mixed emotions, that were difficult to separate. Relief for being out of the hospital, excitement about seeing shell and the kids. Mixed with worry about kim, scared about how we where going to cope or not and a couple of other emotions I still don't understand to this day. The journey up the A5 was uneventful. The last couple of mile where the longest.

I pull into the driveway, head into the house. Steph launches herself at me with a scream of “ Daddy “ I grunt at her impact and hug sent pain shooting out from my sore kidneys. I can't shout at her she is very pleased to see me. As Shell is. I settle down into the sofa, shell sit next to me and we talk about my kidney stones as I check emails and change my Facebook status to ' is out of hospital, damn kidney stone trying to emigrate to bladder'

I sit there looking around, thing are normal but you know they are not. Its a weird feeling that. Knowing there is a loved one, fighting for they life and I am sitting at home with a cupper.

The big question is do I tell Shell about a ghost from the past that weigh on my mind??

hospitalization- Part 3

I get stirred into life by the sounds of breakfast and observations*. Ok the breakfast is not 5 star, luckily it cereal so I can rest my sore arm with the venflon in it.

A nurse comes around to do my observation. They are fairly normal, if you can call me normal. I comment about the venflon and was told they would not remove it yet. Out for a smoke then wait for Doctors around.

Lets skip the boring bits of being stuck in hospital. Hits fast forward. Lad across the way up on walking frame, more comments on pain of venflon, visiting kim, feeling helpless. Wrapped up in the thoughts of kim.

Hits play.

Time for a MRI** scan. On the scanners table I slide in and out, with the induction sounds of the magnets. Day dreaming about my steel toe cap boots taken flight and flying though the control rooms window into the scanner, yes I know it could not happen under normal operating conditions.

Hits fast forwards Hits play

I am sitting in the smoking shelter, the pain is still shooting up from the venflon to my shoulder. I forgotten how may time I commented on the problem, and was wondering if it was to do with the stunt my dad pulled with the hat.

I have tears in my eyes I don't know if it to do with kim or the pain I am in. A nurse came and sat down she is off my ward. She asked what was wrong so I told her about the pain.

Been back on ward 10 mins venflon removed, thank god! Next time I have to have one in I will tell them to get lost, maybe in stronger terms!!!

Hits fast forwards Hits play

The consultant's junior Doctor appears, talks some medical crap. Tells me I got kidney stones and I will get a letter for an appointment in 6 weeks time†. That I am going to have some medication and when I get it I will be let loose on the world one more.

I pack, all 50 second of it and head out for a smoke. He forgot to say one thing, he ordered the medication before coming up to the ward. I am greeted by a nurse on returning to the ward, she explains the medication to me and discharges me.

* Checking of Blood Pressure, Pulse, Temperature and other thing Doctors want checking.
** Magnetic resonance imaging, Look like over sized washing machine with big electro magnets inside.

† Make a note of this 6 weeks

hospitalization- Part 2

I headed back up to the ward. It was getting close to Visiting time. Dad arrived saying Mum visiting Kim first. After a while mum appears. Telling me Kim been making jokes about my stones. At least my problem is amusing to someone. At the end of their visit I walked down with my parents for a smoke. I waved them good by, and headed back to the ward.

I am sitting on the bed, a bloke in my bay is trying to attract the attention of a nurse. After about 8 minutes my caring side get the better of me. So I ask if I can help. He had broke his hip in a fall and could not get out of bed to go to the loo and wanted the curtain around his bed closing so he could relieve himself. I am only happy to do this. One less job for the nursing staff.

I talked to him. He did tell me his name, that has been lost in my weird memory. Which is sad. Nice chap used to work in maintenance at the hospital and sails in a mere near Ellesmere.

It was time to turn in for the night, I was not ready to sleep. The bed by the window was nice as everyone else drifted into the land of nod, my mind was a wash with thoughts, feelings and emotion that and the pain running from my venflon to my shoulder.

I looked out over the A&E entrance entered though earlier in the day and the ambulances arriving and departing. I feel so numb, so disconnected with the world outside the window. A world getting on with daily life. After a while I laid back on the bed and drifted off to sleep.

There is someone next to me, I open an eye a bit it still dark out side. That person is a nurse holding a B.P cuff*, Just as she was going to put it on my arm I said gently “hi” and opened my eyes fully. This poor nurse jump in surprise. “Whoops did not mean to do that, sorry”

After the very early morning health check, I drifted back off to sleep.

*Blood pressure cuff, a band that goes around your arm that feel like it trying to squeeze your arm so hard it going to fail off.