First day

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Holding by back at stupid O'clock in the morning with a kidney stone moving is not good.

The sweat is pouring off me, I reach for the Ibuprofen and down two. As they kick in I dose back off.

In a sleepy haze, I see it day time. I go to the loo, and head back to bed. Its about ten in the morning, I am so tired. I curl up and it the pain hits me again, I drag to pillow into my chest biting the top of one of them as I growl, Fuck, bastard, fucking stones.

I am doing this there is a worried figure on the landing, Shell. It must be hard for her to have me making sound akin to labour. And having kim in hospital. Just one of these events is enough to deal with without having both going on at the same time.

The pain passes, I head down stairs. Shell is on the phone to kim. I say hi to her and look for some breakfast. After Shell finished on the phone she ushers me into the front room to rest. I don't want to sit down I got kidney stones, a small minor inconvenience. Its not like I have smashed my legs into 500 bits or dieing from a serious illness.

Shell appears with a coffee and toast, I do wonder what it is like for her to have two loved one ill, I know I got it hard with the fucking inconsiderate stone that pick that bloody day to make it present know.

The great escape

I make good my escape, with the aid of the bus stop on site. my defender is on the other side of Shrewsbury, along with its keys, I call Mat whist awaiting for bus to arrive, for 2 reasons, 1 see if he is in, 2 find out what bus go out to his house.

I arrive at his, First words to me were “ you look better than the last time I saw you bud” After a coffee and a call to Shell, I headed for home. I need not worry about Kim as my parents decided to go to the hospital anyway and visit her.

The drive back was one of mixed emotions, that were difficult to separate. Relief for being out of the hospital, excitement about seeing shell and the kids. Mixed with worry about kim, scared about how we where going to cope or not and a couple of other emotions I still don't understand to this day. The journey up the A5 was uneventful. The last couple of mile where the longest.

I pull into the driveway, head into the house. Steph launches herself at me with a scream of “ Daddy “ I grunt at her impact and hug sent pain shooting out from my sore kidneys. I can't shout at her she is very pleased to see me. As Shell is. I settle down into the sofa, shell sit next to me and we talk about my kidney stones as I check emails and change my Facebook status to ' is out of hospital, damn kidney stone trying to emigrate to bladder'

I sit there looking around, thing are normal but you know they are not. Its a weird feeling that. Knowing there is a loved one, fighting for they life and I am sitting at home with a cupper.

The big question is do I tell Shell about a ghost from the past that weigh on my mind??

hospitalization- Part 3

I get stirred into life by the sounds of breakfast and observations*. Ok the breakfast is not 5 star, luckily it cereal so I can rest my sore arm with the venflon in it.

A nurse comes around to do my observation. They are fairly normal, if you can call me normal. I comment about the venflon and was told they would not remove it yet. Out for a smoke then wait for Doctors around.

Lets skip the boring bits of being stuck in hospital. Hits fast forward. Lad across the way up on walking frame, more comments on pain of venflon, visiting kim, feeling helpless. Wrapped up in the thoughts of kim.

Hits play.

Time for a MRI** scan. On the scanners table I slide in and out, with the induction sounds of the magnets. Day dreaming about my steel toe cap boots taken flight and flying though the control rooms window into the scanner, yes I know it could not happen under normal operating conditions.

Hits fast forwards Hits play

I am sitting in the smoking shelter, the pain is still shooting up from the venflon to my shoulder. I forgotten how may time I commented on the problem, and was wondering if it was to do with the stunt my dad pulled with the hat.

I have tears in my eyes I don't know if it to do with kim or the pain I am in. A nurse came and sat down she is off my ward. She asked what was wrong so I told her about the pain.

Been back on ward 10 mins venflon removed, thank god! Next time I have to have one in I will tell them to get lost, maybe in stronger terms!!!

Hits fast forwards Hits play

The consultant's junior Doctor appears, talks some medical crap. Tells me I got kidney stones and I will get a letter for an appointment in 6 weeks time†. That I am going to have some medication and when I get it I will be let loose on the world one more.

I pack, all 50 second of it and head out for a smoke. He forgot to say one thing, he ordered the medication before coming up to the ward. I am greeted by a nurse on returning to the ward, she explains the medication to me and discharges me.

* Checking of Blood Pressure, Pulse, Temperature and other thing Doctors want checking.
** Magnetic resonance imaging, Look like over sized washing machine with big electro magnets inside.

† Make a note of this 6 weeks

hospitalization- Part 2

I headed back up to the ward. It was getting close to Visiting time. Dad arrived saying Mum visiting Kim first. After a while mum appears. Telling me Kim been making jokes about my stones. At least my problem is amusing to someone. At the end of their visit I walked down with my parents for a smoke. I waved them good by, and headed back to the ward.

I am sitting on the bed, a bloke in my bay is trying to attract the attention of a nurse. After about 8 minutes my caring side get the better of me. So I ask if I can help. He had broke his hip in a fall and could not get out of bed to go to the loo and wanted the curtain around his bed closing so he could relieve himself. I am only happy to do this. One less job for the nursing staff.

I talked to him. He did tell me his name, that has been lost in my weird memory. Which is sad. Nice chap used to work in maintenance at the hospital and sails in a mere near Ellesmere.

It was time to turn in for the night, I was not ready to sleep. The bed by the window was nice as everyone else drifted into the land of nod, my mind was a wash with thoughts, feelings and emotion that and the pain running from my venflon to my shoulder.

I looked out over the A&E entrance entered though earlier in the day and the ambulances arriving and departing. I feel so numb, so disconnected with the world outside the window. A world getting on with daily life. After a while I laid back on the bed and drifted off to sleep.

There is someone next to me, I open an eye a bit it still dark out side. That person is a nurse holding a B.P cuff*, Just as she was going to put it on my arm I said gently “hi” and opened my eyes fully. This poor nurse jump in surprise. “Whoops did not mean to do that, sorry”

After the very early morning health check, I drifted back off to sleep.

*Blood pressure cuff, a band that goes around your arm that feel like it trying to squeeze your arm so hard it going to fail off.

hospitalization Part1

After my Eastender's moment. I phoned shell, got Alec to park my Defender on Matt's drive. I'm still in A&E. Awaiting transfer to the ward. My name on the 4 hour screen changes to red, I had been in the dept for over 4 hours when the porter come to take me to the ward.

As I am being wheeled up to the ward in wheelchair, I wonder why I just cant walk. My legs are fine, I have been walking fine. But a porter has to wheel me up to the ward, how embarrassing. I could feeling my face going red.

On the ward, I was being booked in when the Kim lead nurse turned up on the ward, The funny looks you get when a hematology nurse from ward 23H turns up looking for you. I do wonder if they thought she was there for a problem with me. In a little office on the ward. We got down to business. Signing forms talking about Kim's treatment, my illness and its timing.

By the time we had finished. My dad turned up with nightwear and it other bits you need to during a stay in hospital. A swap was taken from my nose to test for MRSA during this dad waves the hat I have with me with the name of the first aid organization I volunteer for on the front. Thanks dad!!

I had a bed near the window over looking A&E, Dad had gone. I found there was no earphones for the bed radio system. You know the ones just tubes no electrical bits. I look around and wonder if I could find the following one oxygen tube, medical tape, and a pair of tuff cut scissors to make some earphones.*

With boredom setting in I when for a smoke then headed up to see Kim. I was washing my hands, one of the staff is looking at my wrist the one with my patent tag on. As I enter the isolation room Kim chuckles at me and says “what you like”. I grin and reply don't start. I sit down to to talk with kim and watch tv, as I do I wonder if this pain running from my venflon into my shoulder should be there.

*I will have a go at doing that one day.

Am I in eastenders - Part 4

As I get into the cubical a wave of pain reminds me that I'm not well. As I slide onto the bed the thoughts of Kim where blocked out by the pain and the tiredness that filled my body. As I try and fail to get comfortable on the bed the time starts ticking for the A&E dept.

I lost track of time. The medical shock that my body had gone though had taken it out of me. I was dosing off. When I went to the loo I knew I been there for just over an hour from the four hour target screen*. Test happened, bloods, x rays, etc.

Placing the Venflon was a difficult thing. After the multi able failed attempts to get it into the back of my hands, although it felt like it was trying to though them. The member of staff gives up and puts it into my right arm. Due to the pain I'm in I don't realize the how much I would come to hate that Venflon.

I look up at the X ray machine, humming away above the table. The hum changes tone as it takes a snap of my guts and other internal organs. As this is going on I am wonder about what happening with Kim. What Shell is thinking about this, and should I smile for the X ray camera. How the hell the last one got in there is anyone guess!!

Back in A&E I have a wave of pain in my back and the feeling of a full bladder shorty after. Wandering back from the loo I look at my name on the Four hour target screen, I had been in their lovely care for 2hr 50mins. Oh well, smoke and phone shell I think. Quick note in left the cubical and outside.

There I stand, hospital gown, unzipped fleece, work trousers and steel toe cap work boots. I think it will be in the next collection for the discerning patent. Yeah right! I look a bit stupid but I really did not care. Shell tells me Kim finds it funny, trust her and thought I was unwell. I could hear shells mum in the background. I just felt so helpless, stuck in A&E until they knew what was wrong with me.

I was lying on the bed in the cubical when the A&E doctor appears. She smiles and tells me they know what wrong. I have Kidney stones and I and going to be admitted. She leaves for the time being. I lay back look at the ceiling and think

AM I IN EASTENDERS... Duff Duff Duff (theme tune continues) fade to black.

* A big screen that puts unneeded pressure on to over worked A&E Staff to get 98% of patents out of A&E in under 4 hours.

Am I in eastenders - Part 3

The Blue lights tint the living room ceiling as I think about the readings. Blood pressure error less than readable, Oxygen level 94%, Pulse 30 bpm.* my god this is not good. A member of the ambulance service arrives beside me and assesses the illness**. He stands up with a look that says, 'Hospital investigation'. I close my eyes for a second when I open them there is him Matt and two crew. Standing side by side, like the four horse men of the apocalypse.

I am told what the paramedics† face said. I needed to go in for further investigation. My heart could not sunk any lower, if it could of it would of.

I walked to the ambulance, unsteady and in pain. And sit down in the chair. Mat puts my bag and coat into the ambulance and the door slides shut with a clunk. The attending crew member pulls out a blue bag. Entonox a pain reliving gas. And starts to ask me question, I already know them as I am medical gases trained. So to save time I told him that I had no contra-indicators, Know what is it and how to use it.

As I move the mouth piece up to my face, I wondering. I have given this drug to many people over the years in my volunteering. But never needed to use it myself. And now I am going to find out what it feels like to use. Into my mouth goes the bite bit and I start to breath it in deeply.

Wow, I check I've got my seat belt on to hold me to the chair, I'm sure my bum is lifting from it. I feel like I'm floating. The vehicle moves off and the attendant start asking the usual question. Bloody hell I sound like I'm drunk.

I am sucking on it well. That means one thing. Taking too much of it into my system. Arrrr, Itchy teeth first symptom of having too much. So I stop, the attendant tells me to carry on using it and nods when I tell him I had too much, I got itchy teeth. They stop and I carry on with it, a bit of a mistake.

The feeling sick part of having too much arrived, I pull out the vombag†† that Mat gave me when I was in his front room. And proceed to umm, use it. Ambulance crews are very happy when you don't cover there vehicle with your breakfast or any other meal of the day. I look up after finishing to see him holding out some tissue. As I wipe my mouth he asks if I feel better for it as I look better for it. I did. I saw myself in a refection and I was look a bit more heather than before.

The ambulance pulls up at A&E. As I get off, I look up at the window of the Isolation room Kim was in and wondered, how my illness would affect looking after her. As I am wheeled into the building my thoughts turn to whats wrong with me.

*Health Oxygen levels are 99 to 97% and 60 to 80 ppm (beats per minute) at rest. Off the top of my head

** I will save you from the boredom of what I remember of it

† I think he was a paramedic

†† vomit (sick) bag