Its the morning of Kim christmas break. And Shell is coming to the end of the cleanathon, by hoovering the beds and washing the sheets. Thank goodness I would be on the road to the hospital when she is dueling with the sofas using a hoover pipe, It a sight to be seen. The Cupboards are stocked and space made for the pills, creams and thermometer.
It was sunny but cold December day. I had been tired up with another matter in Shrewsbury, and got to Kim in the early afternoon. She was sitting on her bed when I arrived, arms crossed complaining I was late*.
With the need for barrier nursing gone I just walk in, It is strange walking in without the apron and hand cleaning. I disconnect the Freeview box and pack up the Xbox. With this done everything is ready to go.
She came with a suitcase, backpack and one plastic shopping bag. And now I think we have the complete luggage set to take back. I resist the urge to joke about women and packing for holidays.
We say bye and see you after Christmas to the nursing staff. We head to the landy, I joke that with all this stuff it could be overloaded. Kim just looks at me with her 'thats a bad joke' look.
Kim settle into the landy wrapping her quilt around herself, As it cold out and the fan is doing the on off game. It amazing how thing start playing silly bugger when you need it. Oh, well. At least she is warm in her quilt.
We arrive home and everyone is in doing what they normal do. The in laws appear from across the road moments after we get in the door. Stuart is complaining that his mate cant come in, but one of them has had diarrhoea the day before. And he cant quite get it idea of bug being bad for kim into his head.
Kim settle on the sofa to watch a Christmas film, turn on the subtitles, Slides her hand up her head , turning off her hearing aids to block out her grandad taking about nothing really to her.
Pat, Shell, Mandy and myself are looking at each other trying not to laugh as we all know that kim has turn her aids off and that he is unaware that she has, He finally stops when kim falls asleep.
*She should know by now that I am not the best of time keepers
Christmassy Hospital
Glad that I am out of the Santa suit, the lift door open and I step into the entrance area for Kims ward.
Oh great, Christmas decoration hang from the doors and the walls. Great I don't have the Christmas feeling, and Christmas is everywhere.
Kim is lying on the bed watching TV, and on the laptop chatting. As I chat with the nurses about the home rest over Christmas. It going to be for 10 days, hopefully normal enough to feel like the holiday season.
The Isolation is not a strict as normal as her white cell count is up and she is fairly stable. So she takes great Pride is telling me that she has been decoration the ward, and the tree. Kim loves Christmas, and is really looking forward to it, seeing the family and good food.
She was going on about her Nans Christmas dinner and how much she would enjoy it. Compared to the not very nice food* the hospital proves. As she did she was eating a bag of crisps I brought in.
She ends the visit by trying to talk one of the nurse that came in to check her temp, blood pressure, etc. in to letting her go now a day or so early. Much to the nurse's amusement.
As I am heading off I talk to the nurses, They enjoy her being there when she is like this, almost back to her old cheeky funny self. I take one last look. The next time I see her I will be a pack horse as we leave to come home together.
A Christmas with Kim being funny and cheeky. Maybe Christmas is not going to be too bad after all.
*well I can't repeat the exact words
Oh great, Christmas decoration hang from the doors and the walls. Great I don't have the Christmas feeling, and Christmas is everywhere.
Kim is lying on the bed watching TV, and on the laptop chatting. As I chat with the nurses about the home rest over Christmas. It going to be for 10 days, hopefully normal enough to feel like the holiday season.
The Isolation is not a strict as normal as her white cell count is up and she is fairly stable. So she takes great Pride is telling me that she has been decoration the ward, and the tree. Kim loves Christmas, and is really looking forward to it, seeing the family and good food.
She was going on about her Nans Christmas dinner and how much she would enjoy it. Compared to the not very nice food* the hospital proves. As she did she was eating a bag of crisps I brought in.
She ends the visit by trying to talk one of the nurse that came in to check her temp, blood pressure, etc. in to letting her go now a day or so early. Much to the nurse's amusement.
As I am heading off I talk to the nurses, They enjoy her being there when she is like this, almost back to her old cheeky funny self. I take one last look. The next time I see her I will be a pack horse as we leave to come home together.
A Christmas with Kim being funny and cheeky. Maybe Christmas is not going to be too bad after all.
*well I can't repeat the exact words
Tradition
Bloody hell its almost Christmas. Where did that come from? And guess who has been 'volunteered'* for a tradition in my department at work. Yes you guessed it ME!!
I have to dress up as Father Christmas and hand out present to nursery children, something I would have trouble with even if my mind was not else where. But Sharron one of the drivers said she would help, and she was already dressed for it.
Standing in the reception area dressed in a ill fitting Santa suit, bad fake beard,. Sharron stands next to me wearing a much better looking outfit. Black Boots with white fur trim, black legging, Santa Smock, Green wig, jester style Santa hat, rosie cheeks (make up) and a big smile.
As the Kids arrive we take ours seats, and start handing out the presents. I am glad Sharron is there, as I am not that talkative, but she is cover for it well. My thoughts where with Kim,wondering what she would be doing now, If she had visitors? Not the sea of children in front of me, fresh faced without a care in the world , so innocent and naïve to the horrors of the world.
Sometimes I wished I could be like that, and not scarred by life and death.
*everyone bar me knew what was coming and legged it, thanks guys
I have to dress up as Father Christmas and hand out present to nursery children, something I would have trouble with even if my mind was not else where. But Sharron one of the drivers said she would help, and she was already dressed for it.
Standing in the reception area dressed in a ill fitting Santa suit, bad fake beard,. Sharron stands next to me wearing a much better looking outfit. Black Boots with white fur trim, black legging, Santa Smock, Green wig, jester style Santa hat, rosie cheeks (make up) and a big smile.
As the Kids arrive we take ours seats, and start handing out the presents. I am glad Sharron is there, as I am not that talkative, but she is cover for it well. My thoughts where with Kim,wondering what she would be doing now, If she had visitors? Not the sea of children in front of me, fresh faced without a care in the world , so innocent and naïve to the horrors of the world.
Sometimes I wished I could be like that, and not scarred by life and death.
*everyone bar me knew what was coming and legged it, thanks guys
Drained Piggy Bank
Having a ill child in hospital is not only physically and emotionally draining, it is also draining on the old bank balance. Especially during the recession, and the fuel prices going up, my trips to the hopstial are bring my mileage up. I have gone from 300 miles a month (75 miles a week) up to 800 to 1200 a month (200 to 300 miles a week). Oh, yes the knock on effect of high fuel prices is a raise in food prices.
Hospital Parking charges are draining too, £2 a visit, there is a system for getting it cheaper, but only if you can go there during the working day. No chance of getting it if you work all day.
The hard part is balancing going down to regularly visit Kim and staying in the black.
And before anyone says “Stop complaining” I will. Plus point, Vat down to 15% for 13 months
See you next week, when I get back on track.
Hospital Parking charges are draining too, £2 a visit, there is a system for getting it cheaper, but only if you can go there during the working day. No chance of getting it if you work all day.
The hard part is balancing going down to regularly visit Kim and staying in the black.
And before anyone says “Stop complaining” I will. Plus point, Vat down to 15% for 13 months
See you next week, when I get back on track.
Bubble Wrap
I deposited Kim back into her nice clean room, the deep clean team did a wonderful job.
Driving back was a mix of emotions, it was nice to have her home for the day but she was weak as a kitten. So fragile I had a image of wrapping her up in bubble wrap for the journey back*.
As I pull up the handbrake a wave of tiredness flows over me, It may of look to any outsiders as a lazy day at home, although you could not see, I had been far from restful from the first time I set eyes on her this morning, there are a lot of thing you can check without touching. Rate of breathing, pupil reaction time, blood refill to skin. And that what I did all day, checking for changes in the above. And now the mental strain is showing.
I drop my weary body out of the landy and head into the house, the door squeaks as I open it, The house looked normal enough, shell checking emails the kids watching TV, but there is a feeling of unfilled space and a more sombre mood than the normal tonight. I wonder if seeing her here has brought home the thin line she treads.
As I lay in bed that night looking at the ceiling as I normal do now, I feel as far away from Kim as I have ever felt before and so close.
*I do have a weird mind, or its a defence mechanisms. I cant work out which one it is. :D
Driving back was a mix of emotions, it was nice to have her home for the day but she was weak as a kitten. So fragile I had a image of wrapping her up in bubble wrap for the journey back*.
As I pull up the handbrake a wave of tiredness flows over me, It may of look to any outsiders as a lazy day at home, although you could not see, I had been far from restful from the first time I set eyes on her this morning, there are a lot of thing you can check without touching. Rate of breathing, pupil reaction time, blood refill to skin. And that what I did all day, checking for changes in the above. And now the mental strain is showing.
I drop my weary body out of the landy and head into the house, the door squeaks as I open it, The house looked normal enough, shell checking emails the kids watching TV, but there is a feeling of unfilled space and a more sombre mood than the normal tonight. I wonder if seeing her here has brought home the thin line she treads.
As I lay in bed that night looking at the ceiling as I normal do now, I feel as far away from Kim as I have ever felt before and so close.
*I do have a weird mind, or its a defence mechanisms. I cant work out which one it is. :D
Day out
I wake up to the sound of the hoover and smell of polish. I walk into the bathroom to see it been clean to within a inch of its life. I get dressed and head downstairs where I see shell in a almost dueling like manner attacking the sofa with the hoover.
I can tell Kim is coming home, the latest news is this is a one day visit home, not the week she was hoping. Well it better than nothing, and the word has got out. There is a huge list of people wanting to pop around, we are warily that this could tire kim out too much or worse one of them could bring an illness with them.
Quick conversation with them about illnesses drop the list by half. We did not want to do it, but we had to do it to protect Kim. My mum had visited her a lot when she is in hospital so decided to not pop in. with all that sorted it was time to go get Kim.
Kim was sitting on the corner of her bed coat in hand, bandanna on head. Chomping at the bit to get going. It is strange going into the room with out the barrier nursing stuff on. But considering she was heading out some what logical.As we left the cleaning staff arrive to do a full deep clean of the room during her time away.
I can't remember who got to Kim first Shell, Steph or Billy. All I know is she had a big welcome. After billy ran around madly he joined kim on the sofa. Where they both fell asleep. And that is what Kim did most of the day, sleep. The Treatment was really taking it out of her.
I can tell Kim is coming home, the latest news is this is a one day visit home, not the week she was hoping. Well it better than nothing, and the word has got out. There is a huge list of people wanting to pop around, we are warily that this could tire kim out too much or worse one of them could bring an illness with them.
Quick conversation with them about illnesses drop the list by half. We did not want to do it, but we had to do it to protect Kim. My mum had visited her a lot when she is in hospital so decided to not pop in. with all that sorted it was time to go get Kim.
Kim was sitting on the corner of her bed coat in hand, bandanna on head. Chomping at the bit to get going. It is strange going into the room with out the barrier nursing stuff on. But considering she was heading out some what logical.As we left the cleaning staff arrive to do a full deep clean of the room during her time away.
I can't remember who got to Kim first Shell, Steph or Billy. All I know is she had a big welcome. After billy ran around madly he joined kim on the sofa. Where they both fell asleep. And that is what Kim did most of the day, sleep. The Treatment was really taking it out of her.
Thoughts in the night
Everywhere is quiet. I am looking at the darken ceiling lit gently by the streetlight outside throwing a light shadow of the window frame onto it.
As I lay there looking at the ceiling I started to think.
It has been a hard 38 days. My head had and still is all over the place. The shock had passed, leaving the feeling of pain, anger, realization, despair and sadness.
Unlike my cool almost professional outside I was far from cool inside. Lucky the shock only lasted a couple of days, the anger lasted a bit longer, but passed.
I surprised myself over the last month or so with my reactions to the situation I have been in.
The numbness of the dark wet night we got told
The frustration of being stuck in hospital with the stones
The mix of getting home
The over powering experience of all the support at work, and the strange feeling of anger. Dont know why, weird.
To the realization and sadness I feel now.
There is a little up lift
Later today Kim should be coming home for a week break from hospital. I just hope her temperature and white cell count play ball.
Time to try to get to sleep again.
As I lay there looking at the ceiling I started to think.
It has been a hard 38 days. My head had and still is all over the place. The shock had passed, leaving the feeling of pain, anger, realization, despair and sadness.
Unlike my cool almost professional outside I was far from cool inside. Lucky the shock only lasted a couple of days, the anger lasted a bit longer, but passed.
I surprised myself over the last month or so with my reactions to the situation I have been in.
The numbness of the dark wet night we got told
The frustration of being stuck in hospital with the stones
The mix of getting home
The over powering experience of all the support at work, and the strange feeling of anger. Dont know why, weird.
To the realization and sadness I feel now.
There is a little up lift
Later today Kim should be coming home for a week break from hospital. I just hope her temperature and white cell count play ball.
Time to try to get to sleep again.
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