Its time to go back to work, my head is not really in it. I am still numb over the last few weeks. Picking up students is the easy part of the job today, they usually don't talk in the mornings. Opting to sit there trying to wake up properly before reaching college.
I go for a smoke before head inside, and I bump into what must be the only person in the college that did not know about Kim. “Awright mate, how was the holiday” without thinking I reply “yes, been ok, best thing is not working on my birthday” I don't know why I said it, I think it was because it was the easy way.
I aim to keep my head down, go and check my mail slot in the staffroom. Before talking to anyone, to strengthen myself. Half way down the corridor a member of staff I get on well with comes the other way smiles “Hello, I heard about Kim, I'm sorry for your loss” I thank her, and chat a bit. Before heading off again towards the staffroom.
Going to the staff room at this time, when PA's and department administrators pick up their mail was a bit of a mistake. Standing in a prime location to bump into a large group of lovely caring compassionate people. It was nice to talk with them, but it was over powering at times.
As I walked out the door I realized, my next two week with be filled with the sayings 'sorry for your lost' , 'condolences on ...' and ' it so sad about your stepdaughter' Unlike the last time this sort of thing happened, when Kim was first in hospital, I was not angry at the over powering flow of caring. I took it as comfort or just switched off.
Mad awards and technical problems
Hello Dear Reader
This is a out of time line Posting for two things,
Firstly as you see I have a nomination for a blogging award. This is only at the begin stage at the moment, and I am waiting to hear if this blog has made it to the second round. I would like to thank you for putting me forward for the following categories
Finger cross that myself and this blog, are good enough to make it to the second round.
Secondly I would like to say Sorry for missing my posting deadline of 0730 UTC+1. This was due to fault with blogs host. and as you see is fixed. So with that Dear reader I will bow out and return you to the timeline on 16 march 2009, Enjoy.
This is a out of time line Posting for two things,
Firstly as you see I have a nomination for a blogging award. This is only at the begin stage at the moment, and I am waiting to hear if this blog has made it to the second round. I would like to thank you for putting me forward for the following categories
- Most Inspiring MAD Blogger
- Best Blog Writer
- Best Family Life Blog
- MAD Blogger of the year 2011
- Blog Post of the Year
Finger cross that myself and this blog, are good enough to make it to the second round.
Secondly I would like to say Sorry for missing my posting deadline of 0730 UTC+1. This was due to fault with blogs host. and as you see is fixed. So with that Dear reader I will bow out and return you to the timeline on 16 march 2009, Enjoy.
The Funeral - Part 4
The mourning car drives off after it has done it's final duty for us, deliver us to the wake. It is at the woodlands pub, Yes you cant have a wake without alcohol. I know some of you will be thinking about my landy being parked there, but rest assured I wont be drink driving as I don't drink any more.
The room was full of people. Someone joked it would be a handful of people if there was not free food, the cynical person. Taking of food, I found my bother in law has a new trick, been able to keep his plate steady not loosing a single bit of food as he misses a chair and ends up on the floor, yes I know your not meant to laugh but I did.
There was a lot of people coming up and given they condolences, after the first 16 I decided it was time for a smoke so headed outside. My two best mates are in the smoking area, Tom and Craig. We start chatting about the day, about Stuart almost following Kim into the hole and my joke in the car.
Then we are interrupted by a guest asking who the bloke was in the grey Liverpool top is, they were surprised to find out it was Kim Biological Father. This was not the last time I was asked who he was.
I think from the amount of offerings of alcoholic beverages, anyone would of thought I was a drunk. Its amazing how many people have a weird look on their face when you say “that's very nice of you but I don't drink alcohol. A couple of times I did wonder if I had two heads.
The teens too young to get booze from the bar where trying to get some, in numerous ways. All failed as it was the same things we tried when we were their age, I am think they don't believe we were their age once.
The wake was winding down, the usual suspects where slipping what was left on the food table into carry bags they are hiding under the table. With this we head for home, I am physical and emotionally drained.
The room was full of people. Someone joked it would be a handful of people if there was not free food, the cynical person. Taking of food, I found my bother in law has a new trick, been able to keep his plate steady not loosing a single bit of food as he misses a chair and ends up on the floor, yes I know your not meant to laugh but I did.
There was a lot of people coming up and given they condolences, after the first 16 I decided it was time for a smoke so headed outside. My two best mates are in the smoking area, Tom and Craig. We start chatting about the day, about Stuart almost following Kim into the hole and my joke in the car.
Then we are interrupted by a guest asking who the bloke was in the grey Liverpool top is, they were surprised to find out it was Kim Biological Father. This was not the last time I was asked who he was.
I think from the amount of offerings of alcoholic beverages, anyone would of thought I was a drunk. Its amazing how many people have a weird look on their face when you say “that's very nice of you but I don't drink alcohol. A couple of times I did wonder if I had two heads.
The teens too young to get booze from the bar where trying to get some, in numerous ways. All failed as it was the same things we tried when we were their age, I am think they don't believe we were their age once.
The wake was winding down, the usual suspects where slipping what was left on the food table into carry bags they are hiding under the table. With this we head for home, I am physical and emotionally drained.
The Funeral - Part 3
The pavement fills with people to watch the coffin being loaded, me and Shell headed for the car. The vicar joined us in the car for the trip to the grave. With the back door of the hearse closing. The chief undertaker walk past the front of the car carrying a High visibility waistcoat.
As he puts it on my dark humour kicked in, I chuckled and before I could stop myself I said “A undertaker wearing a hi vis what next safety barriers around the grave” the vicar is the only one to react to this with a smile, I don't know if he like it or was being polite.
The cars set off for the half mile to the cemetery. When we arrive, there are 3 car by the grave. The hearse, our mourners car and my parents as my Mum has trouble walking due to her MS*. There is a pause to allow the people coming from the church on foot to arrive. So I check to see how mum is getting on with the uneven ground.
The crowd watches as Kim's coffin slides slowly and smoothly along the walnut deck onto the carrier. Reflecting on the polish black paintwork of the hearse as it passed heading toward it final resting place.
Accompanied by the quiet sound of sobbing, the coffin arrives next to the hole waiting for it. I look around to see groups of people huddled together comforting each other, the colour they wear does not matching the mood.
Kim is moved over the hole and is slowly lowered into the deep void, down into the cold darkness of her final resting place as the vicar say the poignant words “earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust”
mourners start to shuffle past the grave to pay they final respects, Stuart starts to shuffle past then slips almost sliding into the open grave. A few laughs sound out across the graveyard as Stuart is helped back to his feet.
The hearse moves off, the sun reflecting off the polished paintwork, sliver metal work and empty walnut load deck. Where Kim once lay for her final journey.
*Multiple Sclerosis.
As he puts it on my dark humour kicked in, I chuckled and before I could stop myself I said “A undertaker wearing a hi vis what next safety barriers around the grave” the vicar is the only one to react to this with a smile, I don't know if he like it or was being polite.
The cars set off for the half mile to the cemetery. When we arrive, there are 3 car by the grave. The hearse, our mourners car and my parents as my Mum has trouble walking due to her MS*. There is a pause to allow the people coming from the church on foot to arrive. So I check to see how mum is getting on with the uneven ground.
The crowd watches as Kim's coffin slides slowly and smoothly along the walnut deck onto the carrier. Reflecting on the polish black paintwork of the hearse as it passed heading toward it final resting place.
Accompanied by the quiet sound of sobbing, the coffin arrives next to the hole waiting for it. I look around to see groups of people huddled together comforting each other, the colour they wear does not matching the mood.
Kim is moved over the hole and is slowly lowered into the deep void, down into the cold darkness of her final resting place as the vicar say the poignant words “earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust”
mourners start to shuffle past the grave to pay they final respects, Stuart starts to shuffle past then slips almost sliding into the open grave. A few laughs sound out across the graveyard as Stuart is helped back to his feet.
The hearse moves off, the sun reflecting off the polished paintwork, sliver metal work and empty walnut load deck. Where Kim once lay for her final journey.
*Multiple Sclerosis.
The Funeral - Part 2
We have to walk past the hearse to get to the mourners car. As we get closer, Shell hand gets tighter on mine. We get into the car and the convoy moves off with the chief undertaker walking in front. there was a lot of people standing at their gates, with sad looks and bowing heads.
As we drew up at church I can see a sea of Red, Red shirts, Red T shirts, Liverpool tops and scarves. It was a wonderful, breath taking sight. I watch as Kim is being taken out of the hearse. Everyone heads into the church. We line up behind her at the door as we do I see Kim's Biological Father (KBF) sporting the grey Liverpool away shirt. He has to be different.
With all the chief mourners ready, The well Known song, you will never walk alone played by Gerry and the Pacemakers starts to play. I take a big gulp to try and clear the big lump that just appeared in my throat. I feel Shell squeeze my hand, we look at each other. And start to follow the coffin in.
As we walk down the aisle with Kim coffin covered in a Liverpool FC flag, I realize the church is packed with a sea of red, so pack in fact, over half the mourners do not have seats. So many people and so many lives touched by hers.
We file into our seats at the front. A Solitary coffin, Kim's coffin stands isolated and alone, in the middle of the large deserted space at the front of the church. The vicar starts the service, and for some strange reason when the first hymn, all things bright and beautiful, started I felt a little disconnected from the service it self. Lost in my own world thinking of Kim as some people behind me sing alternative lyrics to the hymn.
The eulogy is lovely, going on about how caring Kim was. Her attitude over not letting her deafness get in the way of her life, the awards she got for her attitude over it.
At this point I am holding back the tears with a big lump in my throat, It was so bad I could not sing along to Give me joy in my heart.
The Hymn finished and it was time for the chief mourners to line up to follow Kim out, KBF was looking related with his wife standing beside him, I could hear tuts from a couple of people. His wife moves a bit to show KBF leaning on the coffin.
We all get into position and Celine Dion My heart will go on, the theme tune of Kim favour film titanic start playing. We follow the coffin out, followed by the sea of red.
As we drew up at church I can see a sea of Red, Red shirts, Red T shirts, Liverpool tops and scarves. It was a wonderful, breath taking sight. I watch as Kim is being taken out of the hearse. Everyone heads into the church. We line up behind her at the door as we do I see Kim's Biological Father (KBF) sporting the grey Liverpool away shirt. He has to be different.
With all the chief mourners ready, The well Known song, you will never walk alone played by Gerry and the Pacemakers starts to play. I take a big gulp to try and clear the big lump that just appeared in my throat. I feel Shell squeeze my hand, we look at each other. And start to follow the coffin in.
As we walk down the aisle with Kim coffin covered in a Liverpool FC flag, I realize the church is packed with a sea of red, so pack in fact, over half the mourners do not have seats. So many people and so many lives touched by hers.
We file into our seats at the front. A Solitary coffin, Kim's coffin stands isolated and alone, in the middle of the large deserted space at the front of the church. The vicar starts the service, and for some strange reason when the first hymn, all things bright and beautiful, started I felt a little disconnected from the service it self. Lost in my own world thinking of Kim as some people behind me sing alternative lyrics to the hymn.
The eulogy is lovely, going on about how caring Kim was. Her attitude over not letting her deafness get in the way of her life, the awards she got for her attitude over it.
At this point I am holding back the tears with a big lump in my throat, It was so bad I could not sing along to Give me joy in my heart.
The Hymn finished and it was time for the chief mourners to line up to follow Kim out, KBF was looking related with his wife standing beside him, I could hear tuts from a couple of people. His wife moves a bit to show KBF leaning on the coffin.
We all get into position and Celine Dion My heart will go on, the theme tune of Kim favour film titanic start playing. We follow the coffin out, followed by the sea of red.
The Funeral - Part 1
I am feeling a bit down to today, its understandable as it is the funeral today. There is no time to sit and mope. There is stuff to do, logistical bits, getting the CD in a place where we wont forget it. Clothes ready to wear. Get food, Something, anything as I don't really feel like it, but going down due to lack of eating is not good.
At the moment I am in Spock mode, Just doing stuff as it is logical and holding back the emotion of the day so I can function. I get to the time in the day where I Take the landrover up to the woodland pub where we are holding the wake, we are having a funeral car so I don't have to support Shell and drive at the same time.
As I walk back home I start to think about the day ahead. I am dreading the funeral, It is horrible to bury your kids. I cant even conceive what it is like for shell to do this, and not being rude, I don't want to try, I am finding it hard to keep myself together, without pushing deeper into my feelings.
I get home and head off upstairs to get changed, I have decided to wear a suit, but I don't have a red shirt so a salmon coloured shirt will have to do. I head down stairs as it nearly time for the transport to arrive.
Shell stands next to me at the door, I can see her eye are moist. Stuart shout “here She come” Shell gets hold of my hand, in silence. The hearse comes into view, as the black paintwork reflects in the light, and the glass side showing the coffin of Kim, Shell tightens her grip.
The front door closes with a dull thud and clunk of the lock, I look at shell and see the despair and sadness in her eyes.
At the moment I am in Spock mode, Just doing stuff as it is logical and holding back the emotion of the day so I can function. I get to the time in the day where I Take the landrover up to the woodland pub where we are holding the wake, we are having a funeral car so I don't have to support Shell and drive at the same time.
As I walk back home I start to think about the day ahead. I am dreading the funeral, It is horrible to bury your kids. I cant even conceive what it is like for shell to do this, and not being rude, I don't want to try, I am finding it hard to keep myself together, without pushing deeper into my feelings.
I get home and head off upstairs to get changed, I have decided to wear a suit, but I don't have a red shirt so a salmon coloured shirt will have to do. I head down stairs as it nearly time for the transport to arrive.
Shell stands next to me at the door, I can see her eye are moist. Stuart shout “here She come” Shell gets hold of my hand, in silence. The hearse comes into view, as the black paintwork reflects in the light, and the glass side showing the coffin of Kim, Shell tightens her grip.
The front door closes with a dull thud and clunk of the lock, I look at shell and see the despair and sadness in her eyes.
Black or Red? That is the Question
The Vicar had just left. We decided to get the him to do the eulogy, As me and shell thought we could not stand up and talk about Kim without breaking down. I have to find two CD with the songs we want playing at the entrance and exit of Kim. I am thinking of making a CD with just the two songs in the order they are going to be played, to save any problems on the day.
Pat has decided to deal with the head stone and has told us bluntly she buying it, end of. I think it nice that she doing it, and I am not arguing with her. As I don't want to upset her, she had enough of that already.
I think back over the last few days. Some people thought it was wrong of me not to go see Kim in the chapel of rest. But I said my goodbyes at the hospital. I did not need to see her again, to cry again.
There had been a big chat about clothing for the funeral. Formal Black? Come as you are? Suits? During the chat my dark humour raised its head, and I had to stop myself from saying nudist. Some time I come very close to my humour getting me into trouble. It all came back to the same question every time a dress code was suggested “What would Kim want?”
So that where we started, Formal black? No, suits? No, Come as you are? Crop top and peddle pusher, Defiantly NO. Smart Casual? Yes, but not black, Bright colours. Some suggested Red. Then that was link to her favour football club, Liverpool.
That was it Dress code is Smart casual, Liverpool shirts or red tops.
We told all that were coming and One of Kim's best mates Katie, contact us. Asking if she has to wear a liverpool top as she is a strong Man U fan. This is the same Katie that Kim had an in joke with over the two teams, so I commented that Kim would of found it funny for her to turn up in a Man U Shirt, as the final in joke between them. Only time with tell if she does or not.
Pat has decided to deal with the head stone and has told us bluntly she buying it, end of. I think it nice that she doing it, and I am not arguing with her. As I don't want to upset her, she had enough of that already.
I think back over the last few days. Some people thought it was wrong of me not to go see Kim in the chapel of rest. But I said my goodbyes at the hospital. I did not need to see her again, to cry again.
There had been a big chat about clothing for the funeral. Formal Black? Come as you are? Suits? During the chat my dark humour raised its head, and I had to stop myself from saying nudist. Some time I come very close to my humour getting me into trouble. It all came back to the same question every time a dress code was suggested “What would Kim want?”
So that where we started, Formal black? No, suits? No, Come as you are? Crop top and peddle pusher, Defiantly NO. Smart Casual? Yes, but not black, Bright colours. Some suggested Red. Then that was link to her favour football club, Liverpool.
That was it Dress code is Smart casual, Liverpool shirts or red tops.
We told all that were coming and One of Kim's best mates Katie, contact us. Asking if she has to wear a liverpool top as she is a strong Man U fan. This is the same Katie that Kim had an in joke with over the two teams, so I commented that Kim would of found it funny for her to turn up in a Man U Shirt, as the final in joke between them. Only time with tell if she does or not.
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